Ok, this is specific but the one thing I’ve done in the last five years that’s helped me make some new casual friends and a couple dear friends is…get into women’s sports! I think the vibes are so immaculate at women’s professional sports (soccer and basketball for me), so you’re automatically connecting with quality people.
You have recurring events to catch up with each other all season- Are you going to the game? Want to go check out an away game at a women’s sports bar? Want to come over and watch the game? You can send each other memes or podcasts about your chosen sport and that helps smooth over any initial awkwardness with new people and give you an excuse to check in with each other during the week.
Women’s sports games are often cost less to attend (which…) so it’s easier to bring kids, so you can get a whole family together, or for the kid free but kid loving peeps (like me!) I love taking the kids in my life to a game!
Women’s sports have brought me so much joy 🩷 (and look at my angel city at the top of the board and you can be my friend anytime if you want to start off by talking about *that*)
Ok this is a VERY FUN ONE! I love rooting for women's sports on social but admittedly haven't become a true diehard fan of any team. You're giving me the push I needed to go for full fandom!!!!
Yes to all of these suggestions! I have moved 9 times in the last 17 years and making friends can be hard. I find it harder now that my kids are all school age so there is less connection at places like the park or library where I would take my kids when they were little. Having in person friendships, even if just for a season, matters so much.
Love this post! With two little kids (ages 1 and 3) right now, time is so limited but adult friendships are key to wellbeing, so one thing I've adopted is that I invite friends to do something active with me... but at a pace where we can talk. It feeds a lot of birds with one scone - we get exercise, we get outside, and we socialize. I put it into my calendar (so that my partner sees them) and so that I'm consistent, and I don't have to spend a lot of energy planning the logistics. I tell my new (and old) friends: "hey, I go for bike rides on Thursday mornings ... want to join me? (we call it Tour de Early Pants :) ) then I share the calendar invite with them. It helps so much to cut out the logistics convos, which I find can be draining since I do it so much for the kids' schedules.
To your first point, shortly after I started my job, I received a coffee invite from someone in a different department who has overlapping professional interests. When I walked into the bakery, she stuck out her hand and said “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m excited to work with you and I hope we can also be friends.” Saying that explicitly up front absolutely made an impression…and we are friends!
Such a great list for a problem so many of us have. I've lived in 4 different countries in the last decade, so I've learned a lot about making friends as an adult and this list is spot-on. Two other things that have helped me are 1. Say yes and 2. Don't hoard friends
1 - Say yes! As an introvert, sometimes I'd rather be home reading, but when you're trying to build a community you have to say yes to the invitations when they come, otherwise people will stop asking.
2 - Don't hoard friends. Be the connector. As you make new friends and meet interesting people, introduce them to each other! The helps create connections and build community.
One more tip (from a non parent admittedly but someone who has moved to a lot of new places as an adult) - KEEP TRYING!
So often someone can’t make it when I am available / suggest hanging, or something comes up last min, etc etc. Try again! It goes back to “8. go first”!
Another non-parent here! As I’ve gotten older I have really leaned into more hobby activities and taking charge of being the planner (goes with my type a personality). I organize foursomes for golf with ladies every other week, planned a galentines mahj night, and a euchre night. Those are nice events because they require groups of four or eight so you can invite a lot of people and mix and mingle friend groups and it doesn’t feel as high pressure as a 1:1 hangout early on. You can follow up from these bigger group hangs with targeted lunches and low stakes walks and nurture the budding relationship from there.
#9 is my favorite! We have a toddler (and baby sister is coming in the next two weeks), and we love to invite other families with littles to come over, bring whatever snacks, and just let the kids play with our son's toys. The fanciest thing I ever do is make muffins. It's always fun and low-key, and no one cares that it's super casual. It doesn't take much!
Invite everyone in your kid's preschool/daycare class to birthday parties! This was the norm in our older kid's preschool class and now, several years later, I am friendly with all the other parents, have become real friends with some of them, and look forward to "birthday party season" which gives us a little low-key socializing time every weekend. (We also have a norm of super casual birthday parties: no gifts, pizza and Costco sheet cake, everyone goes to a playground or to someone's house). This was NOT the norm in our younger kid's class, but we started it by inviting everyone to their 2nd birthday party and then watched the invites come rolling in all summer!
This!! I hear a lot of complaints about kids birthday parties, but hear me out. 1. Kids love it. 2. Friends in a similar stage of life. 3. Get to know your kids friends and their families, which is actually fun!
I alluded to this in another post. I am fortunate to live close to a Catholic Church that has a great community,
Mom group, and spiritual focus. Some people are part of it because of the social aspect but I think some are also brought closer to the faith. It is nice to be with people who share the same faith. The church also has a play group which I sometimes attend with my son. I also constantly run into my friends at Church or other events. There are other mom groups but I find that they are just not the same as being part of a church community.
I love this! As a non parent who’s lived in the same town post college for 20 years, I’ve been pretty lucky to keep a good circle of friends. But as seasons change, I’ve found myself in new situations with new people and the need to connect. I started a book club after college that has been going strong in one form or another and mentioned it at my tennis class and a friend said she wanted to infiltrate my book club. I said no need to infiltrate, just come! So I realized I needed to be clear and inviting to anyone who seems interested in joining. I’ve made many new friends through tennis and we have been discussing that we need to make more social plans outside of it bc I think everyone is just craving connections! Thanks for the reminder to go first!
This is obviously very circumstance specific, but if you have a baby and your hospital offers any sort of postpartum support group, GO. I met three of my newest, dearest friends this way, and it’s been so precious to be able to “grow up” as moms together.
Ok, this is specific but the one thing I’ve done in the last five years that’s helped me make some new casual friends and a couple dear friends is…get into women’s sports! I think the vibes are so immaculate at women’s professional sports (soccer and basketball for me), so you’re automatically connecting with quality people.
You have recurring events to catch up with each other all season- Are you going to the game? Want to go check out an away game at a women’s sports bar? Want to come over and watch the game? You can send each other memes or podcasts about your chosen sport and that helps smooth over any initial awkwardness with new people and give you an excuse to check in with each other during the week.
Women’s sports games are often cost less to attend (which…) so it’s easier to bring kids, so you can get a whole family together, or for the kid free but kid loving peeps (like me!) I love taking the kids in my life to a game!
Women’s sports have brought me so much joy 🩷 (and look at my angel city at the top of the board and you can be my friend anytime if you want to start off by talking about *that*)
Ok this is a VERY FUN ONE! I love rooting for women's sports on social but admittedly haven't become a true diehard fan of any team. You're giving me the push I needed to go for full fandom!!!!
Valkyries games are super fun!
I literally ordered 5 of Ashlee’s books so I could give them to all my friends.
My tip is DO SOMETHING FUN WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Nothing has leveled up my friendships more than a goofy night out without my kids.
Yes to all of these suggestions! I have moved 9 times in the last 17 years and making friends can be hard. I find it harder now that my kids are all school age so there is less connection at places like the park or library where I would take my kids when they were little. Having in person friendships, even if just for a season, matters so much.
Love this post! With two little kids (ages 1 and 3) right now, time is so limited but adult friendships are key to wellbeing, so one thing I've adopted is that I invite friends to do something active with me... but at a pace where we can talk. It feeds a lot of birds with one scone - we get exercise, we get outside, and we socialize. I put it into my calendar (so that my partner sees them) and so that I'm consistent, and I don't have to spend a lot of energy planning the logistics. I tell my new (and old) friends: "hey, I go for bike rides on Thursday mornings ... want to join me? (we call it Tour de Early Pants :) ) then I share the calendar invite with them. It helps so much to cut out the logistics convos, which I find can be draining since I do it so much for the kids' schedules.
As someone who is about to move with a toddler, this could not have come at a better time. So grateful for these tips 💕
Love this- your future friend (also from the pop up new years event at say yes mama), Claire!
Hope you guys are great and see you around town soon!
Claire
To your first point, shortly after I started my job, I received a coffee invite from someone in a different department who has overlapping professional interests. When I walked into the bakery, she stuck out her hand and said “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m excited to work with you and I hope we can also be friends.” Saying that explicitly up front absolutely made an impression…and we are friends!
Such a great list for a problem so many of us have. I've lived in 4 different countries in the last decade, so I've learned a lot about making friends as an adult and this list is spot-on. Two other things that have helped me are 1. Say yes and 2. Don't hoard friends
1 - Say yes! As an introvert, sometimes I'd rather be home reading, but when you're trying to build a community you have to say yes to the invitations when they come, otherwise people will stop asking.
2 - Don't hoard friends. Be the connector. As you make new friends and meet interesting people, introduce them to each other! The helps create connections and build community.
One more tip (from a non parent admittedly but someone who has moved to a lot of new places as an adult) - KEEP TRYING!
So often someone can’t make it when I am available / suggest hanging, or something comes up last min, etc etc. Try again! It goes back to “8. go first”!
Another non-parent here! As I’ve gotten older I have really leaned into more hobby activities and taking charge of being the planner (goes with my type a personality). I organize foursomes for golf with ladies every other week, planned a galentines mahj night, and a euchre night. Those are nice events because they require groups of four or eight so you can invite a lot of people and mix and mingle friend groups and it doesn’t feel as high pressure as a 1:1 hangout early on. You can follow up from these bigger group hangs with targeted lunches and low stakes walks and nurture the budding relationship from there.
#9 is my favorite! We have a toddler (and baby sister is coming in the next two weeks), and we love to invite other families with littles to come over, bring whatever snacks, and just let the kids play with our son's toys. The fanciest thing I ever do is make muffins. It's always fun and low-key, and no one cares that it's super casual. It doesn't take much!
Ashlee Gadd is the best! Love these awesome writing worlds colliding here. Excited for her book and love these tips.
Invite everyone in your kid's preschool/daycare class to birthday parties! This was the norm in our older kid's preschool class and now, several years later, I am friendly with all the other parents, have become real friends with some of them, and look forward to "birthday party season" which gives us a little low-key socializing time every weekend. (We also have a norm of super casual birthday parties: no gifts, pizza and Costco sheet cake, everyone goes to a playground or to someone's house). This was NOT the norm in our younger kid's class, but we started it by inviting everyone to their 2nd birthday party and then watched the invites come rolling in all summer!
This!! I hear a lot of complaints about kids birthday parties, but hear me out. 1. Kids love it. 2. Friends in a similar stage of life. 3. Get to know your kids friends and their families, which is actually fun!
Sad - B&N won't apply to the discount to the signed books! Now I can't decide what to order!
I thought that was strange, too! It's the same price!
It's so dumb and annoying ughhh they don't discount the signed ones :(
I alluded to this in another post. I am fortunate to live close to a Catholic Church that has a great community,
Mom group, and spiritual focus. Some people are part of it because of the social aspect but I think some are also brought closer to the faith. It is nice to be with people who share the same faith. The church also has a play group which I sometimes attend with my son. I also constantly run into my friends at Church or other events. There are other mom groups but I find that they are just not the same as being part of a church community.
I love this! As a non parent who’s lived in the same town post college for 20 years, I’ve been pretty lucky to keep a good circle of friends. But as seasons change, I’ve found myself in new situations with new people and the need to connect. I started a book club after college that has been going strong in one form or another and mentioned it at my tennis class and a friend said she wanted to infiltrate my book club. I said no need to infiltrate, just come! So I realized I needed to be clear and inviting to anyone who seems interested in joining. I’ve made many new friends through tennis and we have been discussing that we need to make more social plans outside of it bc I think everyone is just craving connections! Thanks for the reminder to go first!
This is obviously very circumstance specific, but if you have a baby and your hospital offers any sort of postpartum support group, GO. I met three of my newest, dearest friends this way, and it’s been so precious to be able to “grow up” as moms together.